Do We Need Friends? Understanding Connection, Choice, and Modern Social Life

Exploring Connection in a Digital Age: Friends, Fries, and Facebook

Anyone who didn’t have any friends in school, raise your hand. Now, anyone who has tons of friends, please raise yours. I would’ve raised my hand for the first group, but that wouldn’t be the whole truth. I had a few friends, a lot of acquaintances, and plenty of people who liked me but not many I’d call part of my close circle. That distinction made me wonder: do we really need friends, or is the idea shaped more by social expectation than actual need?

Did I feel left out? Occasionally. But looking back, it feels less about an innate need to connect and more about the pressure to fit a social norm. I’ve always had one or two strong friendships at any given stage of my life, and most of those relationships have stood the test of time.

Do we really need friends, or is Netflix enough?

You’ve probably heard of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, the famous pyramid that lays out what motivates us humans. At its base are physiological needs like food and water, followed by safety, love and belonging, esteem, and finally self-actualization at the peak.

And guess what’s right in the middle of that pyramid? The need for connection. Apparently, having people in our lives ranks just above survival basics but below becoming the ultimate version of ourselves. Having meaningful relationships isn’t just nice to have; it’s right up there with feeling safe and striving for our dreams.

But is it really that necessary? Are meaningful connections something we truly can’t live without? The bottom two layers of the pyramid, physiological needs and safety, are undeniably essential for survival. The top three, however, feel a bit more ambiguous when it comes to being absolute necessities for humans.

That said, they do enhance how we perceive ourselves, shaping the way we see and understand who we are.

Personally, I do find that friendships improve the quality of my time. I enjoy occasional brunches, dinners, and some bar hopping with a few close friends. I genuinely love and care about them, show interest in their lives, and feel comfortable sharing parts of mine. Do I need these interactions? Not really. But that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy them now and then. If I had to spend time watching Netflix instead of doing these activities, I think I’d be totally okay with that.

Everyone has different needs when it comes to connection. I know some people who are social butterflies, constantly out and about socializing. Then some have tons of friends but can’t really say they’re close to any of them. Even this group of people seems to feel the need to connect with others regularly and often. For both types, connection feels like a need rather than a want, which is different from how it is for me.

Ultimately, the need for connection is deeply personal and subjective.

Connections:

Let’s talk about what connections bring to the table. They give us someone to share our achievements with, to exchange little tidbits about our lives, or to chat about mutual connections. But it’s not just about sharing, it’s about support. It’s about those moments when you need advice or someone to help you navigate life’s messier challenges. Sometimes, it’s as simple as having someone provide a shoulder to lean on or just be there to listen.

For me, connections are about having someone to hang out with, whether it’s sharing happy moments, wins and losses, or just exchanging a funny little anecdote from my day. It’s great to have someone who really listens, cheers me on, and makes me feel seen. And this goes both ways. While I’ve sought advice from a select few during personal crises, the decision to accept or act on that advice is always mine and mine alone.

Again, friendships have always been more about enhancing my life than fulfilling a need.

Let’s look at what connections really bring to the table:

1.        Camaraderie — that feeling of belonging and shared experience.

2.        Emotional and mental support when life gets complicated.

3.        A shoulder to lean on during tough times.

4.        Someone to share both your successes and failures with.

5.        An overall boost that enhances your quality of life.

Needs or wants? You decide.

Feelings of belonging and sharing your life experiences with others are complementary, not necessities of life. I prefer to say that they are wants, not needs. However, I know some will disagree, as for them, camaraderie and support are things they simply cannot live without.

As I mentioned earlier, needing connections is a very personal and subjective matter.

Modern Connections

Life today is vastly different from the 80s and 90s when I was growing up. Social media has undoubtedly reshaped the way people connect. I’d even say it has significantly reduced the need for in-person interactions.

These days, most social and connection needs are fulfilled through texting and social media rather than meeting and talking in person. There’s been a noticeable decline in in-person connections, partly because staying connected online can make face-to-face interactions feel less essential.

Even I, who grew up without internet or social media, now prefer texting and staying connected through social platforms over calling or meeting in person. Sometimes, I’m even appalled when someone calls me instead of texting. My first thought is always, Why are they calling?

I’m not exactly sure when this shift happened, sometime over the past decade, I’m sure. I remember starting with mass email forwards of funny memes in the early 2000s, opening my first Facebook account in the mid-2000s, and getting my first iPhone a few years later. Gradually, I found myself calling people less and texting more.

I can only imagine how Gen Z and Gen Alpha connect with others. Physical connections may be becoming a thing of the past, no longer seen as a necessity. Many people seem content with the level of connection they get online. Personally, I don’t think this is healthy (even for me), but it’s certainly up for discussion.

Social media has reduced our need for real, in-person connections and friendships. Many people now have Facebook and other social media friends they consider close, even though they’ve never met them in person.

But hey, on the bright side, at least no one’s stealing your fries, and I do talk to my plants (and apparently, it helps them grow better).

In Summary:

At the end of the day, whether you’re a social butterfly, a social media recluse, or perfectly content chatting with just a few, friendships and connections are what we make of them. They can brighten our days, offer support when we need it, or simply add a little fun to life. For me, they’re more about enhancing life than filling a need, and that’s perfectly okay. What matters most is finding the kind of connection that feels right for you, whatever that looks like.